Be Found, But Be Found Right

So, I met this guy while on a whirlwind of emotional roller coasters. I had a divorce under my belt and carried a host of broken pieces I called my life. On the outside, I had it together. I was strong, independent, and could take care of myself and my daughter easily. But on the inside, I was a raging storm. Now that I think about it, maybe a combination of raging storms. I was hanging on by a hinge, let the right gust of wind blow my way and I was done.

Poor thing, but this man walked blindly into a hurricane that had been peaking for some time. I mean, I want you to picture this…a real life hurricane. They don’t just appear suddenly. They usually start out over a large body of water as just a storm. Then over the course of time, with the right conditions or triggers, it brews into something more deadly and picks up momentum. Before you know it, there’s a category 4 hurricane heading straight for land, straight for innocent lives. If those in its path don’t stay on top of news reports, weather reports, and do what’s necessary to stay alive, they will walk blindly into the storm. And we know what happens from there. So, do you have a good visual? Well, yeah…that’s how I was…Hurricane Lucrecia. And my (now) husband walked blindly into my storm.

The condition I was found in was a far cry from good. I have to pause and give my husband several hand claps and the HUSBAND OF MY LIFETIME award. I took this man through the ringer, you hear me! I drug every ounce of happiness out of him. He tried so hard to satisfy me, make me happy, please me…and all I did was find fault, accuse, and hurt him. I know hands down this man was a Godsend because no man in his right mind would stick around and put up with I put him through. Years later, we laughed about it and I asked “What made you stay? I mean, I was crazy!” He simply said, “Because I saw something else there!” Y’all, if my eyeballs could’ve dropped out of my sockets and hit the floor, that’s exactly what would’ve happened. He saw something else in me. Something else that I had no clue was there. I thank God for healing, restoration, wholeness, and a whole lot of therapy!

My story is, I’m sure, sounds familiar to several of you reading this. You entered into a relationship broken to pieces, carrying loads and loads of baggage. Instead of resolving to get help with those loads, you insisted on carrying them and blaming other people for your misery. Hear me when I tell you, you will NOT have a healthy relationship of any capacity nor a healthy life living that way! It just won’t happen. And mine was on the brink of just falling apart. It wasn’t until I had gotten married that I found myself…and that’s why I’m writing you now. Because I don’t want you to wait until you’re in a committed relationship to find yourself. Do it NOW! Before he puts a ring on it! It’ll spare you and him both a storm that will wreak havoc in your lives.

So what do I mean by find yourself? Glad you asked, I’ll be happy to explain. Finding yourself means you learn who you are. You learn who you are by seeking out your originator. No, not your mother or father. They were the conduits used to get you here. I’m talking about The Originator, God. Colossians 1:16 (MSG) says, “For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible,…everything go started in him and finds its purpose in him.” You find who you are by learning who God is. He shows you/me/us His plans for us through His word and even in traces of our own lives.

We (ladies) talk about how we want a good man. We want him to have a, b, and c and he must meet our laundry list of qualifications. But what about us? What demands do we place on ourselves to ensure we’re ready to be found? Are we spiritually, mentally, and emotionally sound? Because here’s the truth Linda, you may have a body and face beat and slayed by the gods. But if your heart, spirit, and mind aren’t right…all of it…ALL OF THAT SLAYAGE is null and void!

I understand we’re in a new age and women don’t have to wait to be pursued but become the pursuer. I get that. And I’m not knocking it. But what I’m trying to say is, before you go on a hunt, make sure your “ducks” are in a row.

If you’re seeking to be married, learn what it means to be a wife. Not girlfriend, boo, bae, sheet buddies, or any of that. But learn what it means to be a wife. Proverbs 18:22 says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” (emphasis mine). If you have to surround yourself by other godly, wise, married women, do it. Glean from them. Prepare yourself to be found by your husband. Let that man celebrate in his treasure when he finds you by saying “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” (Ref. Proverbs 31:29). Blessings!

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